What If This Is Success?
Funny thing - when you’re going through a breakdown, people start measuring your success by how well you’re falling apart.
Didn’t cry today? Bravo.
Didn’t scream in traffic? Must be enlightened.
(Or just… doesn’t drive.)
She must really be doing the work, they say - like emotional restraint is proof of spiritual credentials.
Or - she’s clearly not tapping into her feelings.
And honestly you can’t win when it comes to how you’ll be interpreted.
Too much emotion? Unprocessed.
Too little? Avoidant.
Speak your truth? Dramatic.
Say nothing? Withholding.
But maybe that’s the problem. That word.
Win.
That slippery little ego-glittered gremlin that wants to frame self-expression as a game to be won.
Why are we trying to win how other people think?
When you're someone who teaches healing or spirituality, the temptation is even stronger, not to heal, but to appear healed. Not to feel, but to package your humanity into something palatable - clean, inspiring, “high-vibe,” and easy to digest.
Or so it seems, with some individuals within the field of healing and self-development.
Because without the approval… you’re in the wrong job, and out of a job.
You should live what you teach.
And they’re right - of course they’re right.
But where’s the line?
Between truly listening to feedback… and curating your performance just to control perception because you’re scared? Between embodiment… and image management?
Between integrity… and survival in a world that rewards branding over being?
Personally, I prefer to show my mess and trust that the consequences will fall into alignment - because truth has a self-organising presence to it.
The right people for me will be attracted to me.
And those who aren’t? Well… maybe they never really were.
And it’s bizarre, isn’t it - how business creeps into this field and suddenly it’s all about “reach.”
How far can your message go?
How many people can you sort of help at scale? Why is that the aim? How ridiculous?
Wouldn’t it be more powerful - more sacred, even - to truly help five people deeply, than to kind-of-help 5,000 in passing?
Besides, aren’t teachers simply sharing curated information and knowledge? I share where I am on the path, and I am absolutely still learning - loudly, imperfectly - while listening to those I’m supposedly helping, because more often than not, they’re helping me.
One of my closest friends (and healer and breathwork practitioner) told me we’re all carrying something sacred. Everybody brings a medicine - sometimes disguised as laughter, or pain, or uncanny timing.
And no, I’m not interested in being a guru.
(What is a guru anyway, except a person who’s managed to spiritualise charisma and monetize eye contact?)
Because the truth is: no one is above anyone.
Some may have expertise in a particular area, sure - but we’re all gloriously fallible.
All of us.
Even the floaty ones who smell like sandalwood and speak in full-moon metaphors.
We’re here to remind each other - not to outsource our power to someone more “aligned,”
but to consult both within and without,
like a divine radio tuning between heaven and earth.
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
(Matthew 25:40)
Because how we treat each other matters.
Not in a moralistic, checkboxy kind of way…
but in that ancient, trembling way that says:
We belong to one another.
And at the end of it all?
This isn’t about building a platform.
It’s about building a family.
Not a dynasty. Certainly not a creepy spiritual pyramid scheme.
Just a constellation of messy, luminous humans,
walking each other home with wit, gallows humour to light the dark, and the kind of laughter that disarms the ego - reminding us not to take ourselves too seriously, even when the world feels like it’s ending (which, to be fair, it often does).